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Parents & Worship

Children are special, that's for sure. My wife and I had no children for the first eight years of marriage, so when God finally sent them to us, we were willing and ready! Our long wait helped us understand the feelings of couples who have not had kids. Later on, when our children were teenagers, we understood the feelings of those who do!

Being a good parent is an act of courage these days. Do you suppose it can also be an act of worship? I believe so, and today I'll explain why.

To begin with, as we lead our children into adulthood, it's their relationships that matter the most. Not the income, not the address, not the toys and not the clothes. What matter most are relationships.

First among these is their relationship with God.After studying God's Word for years, after watching many friends with their children and after launching our own offspring into the world as young adults, I'm convinced that we have one primary role as parents. Our principal role as parents is to help our children develop lifestyles that please God. Everything else is secondary. Everything else. Are they looking up? Do they love Him with all their heart, soul, mind and strength? Then, are they reaching out to others? Do they love their neighbor? Looking up, then reaching out, is what our lives are all about.

As part of worship, one of our delightful privileges and responsibilities is to see our children as the individuals God designed them to be. They are not each other, and they are not clones of mom and dad. They are unique and wonderful creations (a little weird at times, but wonderful nonetheless).

One difference is the way they relate to those around them. Have you noticed how differently your children relate to others? Some are more shy, others more out-going. Some are more interested in people and others are more interested in tasks that they enjoy, such as working on a computer.

Other differences include the way kids relate to handling tasks and the pace of life that seems most usual for them. Some like to have everything organized and others are more comfortable when things a little chaotic! Some love to plan, and others enjoy spontaneity. Some move patiently through life, while others rush into it like a child jumping into a swimming pool on a hot summer day.

One way our family laughed itself into this discovery was by analyzing our differences through the use of series of questions that are designed to help people identify what is called their "social styles."

Several interesting distinctions helped us not only see who we are, but understand why we have some tense moments from time to time. It also gave us insight about how we can make certain situations a little easier on each other.

I found that it also influenced our expectations of each other. If God designed us differently, we shouldn't expect everyone else to react the way we react or do everything the same way we do. If our expectations are more realistic, it certainly lowers a person's stress! At the same time, it also honors God by recognizing that He built each father, mother, son and daughter differently.

As you and I try to help our children develop a lifestyle of worship, the best training tool we have is our commitment to set a good example. Just as children often sense their parents' anxieties, they can sense our worship - if we're consistent.

What are the elements of such worship? There are 3 basic elements in worship:

A loving heart. Do your children sense your love for God and your love for people?
An abiding spirit. If your trust is firmly in God, if your eyes are fixed on Him, if He is your source of spiritual nourishment, they'll know. And if He's not, they'll know.
A serving mindset. Both your acts of service and your attitude while serving are easy for them to observe.

What does such modeling require? For one thing, if we want to be successful at this, we need to allow unhurried time with the family. That means, in turn, that we need to relentlessly combat the creeping demands of work and hobbies that take us away from family.

This reality came home to me when I was working on my PhD. My fulltime job often required extra hours. I needed to attend classes once or twice a week. At the same time, my young family was dashing through their early years of delightful living. I found that the only time to study was on my "day off" and in the evenings after the kids hit the sack.

This slowed down my pace of study, and I "crowded" a three-year program into six years! That was not an easy pill for me to swallow at the time, since I'm not a particularly patient person. Yet, it was the only way I saw of maintaining my family priority while still accomplishing my academic goal. It worked, and I have no regrets about doing it that way.

A corollary to this discussion of setting a good example was mentioned earlier, but it's worth repeating. That's the challenge of being consistent in our walk with God. Our kids read us like books. They can be alarmingly discerning. Therefore, as Ephesians 4 and 5 make very clear, our personal integrity either crowns or crucifies our spiritual talk.

I'm a pilgrim in parenting, but I've been working at it for over 25 years. With that caveat, may I humbly offer some suggestions for you to consider? First, remember that children, like adults, are very concerned about being different from those around them. They want to "fit in," and feel uncomfortable if they stand out too much from their friends. Some smart children even hide their intelligence, if they think it gets in the way of being accepted by their friends.

If you help your children understand and value their unique design, it can be an excellent time of discovery and togetherness for parent and child. How is she different in physical appearance or ability? In what areas does he seem to be smartest and most interested? What are her personality strengths? What are his spiritual gifts?

Help them offer themselves to God. Help them envision ways they can use their particular gifts to honor Him. Show them that there are many ways God might use them, if they give themselves to Him with thankful hearts.

Don't force them into your mold; and don't make them fulfill your athletic or musical fantasies. While they may move your way out of guilt, or to please you, wouldn't you really rather they move in the directions God has in mind for them? Leading them is the Holy Spirit's privilege, and our role as parents is to help that happen.

Another factor to remember is that your kids will tend to ignore their strong points and pay most attention to their flaws. Help them accept their design, with its pluses and "minuses," with thankful hearts. If they do, they are well on their way to glorifying God in their lives. As you can expect, your own example will be very influential. Let them see you using your own giftedness with a thankful heart.

What I've said today may seem like another long list of rules to follow. My bottom-line advice is this: Don't worry about the "how tos." All you need remember is to love, abide and serve. Then let the details flow from your lifestyle.