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Worship & Marriage

I remember seeing her walk into the choir rehearsal room. Accompanied by a couple friends with whom she was talking animatedly, she went over to the music rack and slipped her choir folder out of its slot. She didn't take one look in my direction. That gave me, seated on the other side of the room, a great opportunity to gaze unselfconsciously at her.

"I'd like to get to know that girl better," I thought to myself. And over the next year, I did. Two years after meeting her, we were engaged.

My proposal for marriage was a little out of the ordinary: I didn't do it in person! During the summer prior to my senior year in college, I was flying little airplanes just outside Chicago.

Jan was on her way to the British Isles with the choir to which we both belonged. The idea of Jan spending several weeks on tour with my carnivorous Christian college comrades was unsettling to me. I knew their dark hearts and I knew my fair maiden and I knew I needed to protect her from them.

One evening, after consulting with my father who happened to be in Chicago at the moment, I caught up with the choir by telephone. They were in New York that night. Calling Jan out of the pre-concert meeting, I asked her to marry me. After an eternal moment, she replied, "Are you serious?" When I finally convinced her that I was indeed serious, she accepted my proposal.

Now, three decades and three children later, we're still friends and lovers. But we still have to nurture our relationship. As any husband or wife knows, a good marriage is much easier to sign and seal than it is to deliver! It's true for us, true for you, and true for anyone who says, "I do." Let's talk about marriage today, and see what effect lifestyle worship can have upon that relationship.

Marriage is a major lifetime adjustment. The first couple years may seem like the time of biggest change, but the reality is that throughout life together, mates constantly adjust for circumstances and for each other. "...In sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer...."

Marriage is like a ship going out to sea. Anyone setting sail knows buffeting will come, sometimes externally and other times internally.

Success is not guaranteed. Shipwrecks abound. And whatever the cause of divorce may be, the shipwreck is an emotional, financial and spiritual disaster. We have a number of dear personal friends whose marriages have hit the rocks, and all have been deeply ravaged by the tragedy.

Have you ever considered the fact that an ideal marriage is—of all things—a love triangle? In one corner of the triangle is the wife; in the other, her husband. At the apex of the triangle is God Himself.

Picture that triangle in your mind for a moment, and let's talk about it. As the three sides of the triangle connect its points, in an ideal marriage each person is connected with the other two in agape-love relationships.

Now imagine that the husband and wife are each drawing nearer to God in their relationship with Him. What dynamic effect does that have on their relationship with each other? You're right: They find themselves drawing closer to each other as well!

This concept is verified in real life. As spouses draw closer to God in true worship, they draw closer to each other. They express their agape love through mutual respect, mutual forgiveness, mutual kindness, mutual patience and mutual humility.

Am I suggesting that every marital problem has a spiritual solution? No, I'm not. Human beings are not quite that simple. I am saying, however, that if you and your mate allow lifestyle worship to permeate your marriage, you will save yourselves a lot of anxiety and grief - and give yourselves a lot of joy and peace. Most important of all, God will be glorified in your relationship with Him and with each other.

Let's talk about marriage vows for a moment. Vows are serious. When we exchange marriage vows, we vow a lifetime of mutual commitment. Vows are binding. That's why they are so serious.

But have you ever wondered why are vows even necessary, when two people are "so in love"? Vows are necessary because such commitment is contrary to our fallen nature. We are likely to veer off-course. Recognizing our vulnerability, public vows are an expression of commitment to do that which does not come naturally. That's why vows are so necessary.

Vows can be tough to honor. Yet, if it were easy, vows would be no big deal, would they? God makes vows a big deal. In Ephesians 5, He even calls us to live our commitment to marriage in the way that His Son, Jesus Christ, lives His commitment to His bride, the church. Wow! That's a vow.

Honoring this vow is not just a commitment to continue the relationship. It's a commitment to nurture the relationship. Ephesians 5:2 says, "walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma."

Let's close by relating our relationship with God to our relationship in marriage. To worship God is to acknowledge His worth in acceptable ways. Those acceptable ways include loving Him, abiding in Him and serving Him.

Much like we worship God, we express our commitment in marriage by acknowledging each other's worth in acceptable ways. In other words, we love, abide with and serve the person we chose to marry.

First, love your mate with your heart, soul and body. Let your mind dwell on your mate (not on someone else's), taking in whatever is lovely, whatever is praiseworthy, whatever is special. Let your heart be full of thanksgiving to God for your mate. That tends to crowd out other harmful and competing thoughts. This is true love.

Second, abide with your mate. Spend good amounts of time together. Look to him or her for the nurture you need rather than looking elsewhere. Communicate freely and fully in ways that your mate understands and accepts. Trust your mate. And be trustworthy yourself.

Third, serve your mate. Give yourselves to each other. Pursue the best interests of each other. Help each other - not grudgingly or out of necessity, but out of desire.

Folks, I understand that this will be relatively easy in some marriages and almost impossible in others. But God gave us this model and God gave us this mandate: "Walk in love, as Christ also has loved us." So, listening friends, walk the day ahead in love, as Christ also has loved you.

Ephesians 5:2 Be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.