Making a Difference by Forgiving Others

Let's begin our moments of mediation today with an anecdote that sounds at first like a story from a children's book, but in fact is quite true. Names and other minor details are changed to protect the identities of the main characters in this story.

Once upon a time, in a cozy little neighborhood of a comfortable little town, were two young families who lived next door to each other. Each family had children of about the same ages who grew up together from babyhood through high school. Billy and Teddy were inseparable buddies. From the time they were put into the same crib as their moms met for coffee, they played together, laughed together, got into trouble together, went places together and giggled about girls together.

Years passed, and the boys graduated from high school. Bill and Ted worked in the same store in town. They drove to and from work together. After work, they still played together, laughed together, helped each other and talked about young women together.

Eventually, they married the ladies upon whom their most earnest conversations were centered. Each participated in the other's wedding, and they continued to play together, laugh together, help each other, drive to work together and talk together about marriage and children.

With the passing of years came the premature passing of Ted's wife. Bill's friendship and support were special comforts to Ted during that difficult time.

They laughed together over happy memories they had created as a foursome. They cried together over the profound loss and coming changes. And as before her death, they continued to play together, help each other, drive to work together and enjoy each other's company.

Time brought more changes. Bill's health failed dramatically. Hit severely with disease, it was a marvel that he continued to live.

Each now had suffered a key loss: Ted had lost his wife and Bill had lost his health. Yet, they still laughed together and enjoyed each other's company.

As Bill's medical problems mushroomed, something else developed as well. Ted had always found Bill's wife attractive. Widowed now, he was increasingly interested in her.

Bill had been aware of Ted's passive interest in Susan for years, and was not particularly concerned. It was, in fact, a compliment to his own good judgment that his buddy found his wife such a desirable person.

One evening after the three had enjoyed dinner together, Bill excused himself from the table to go into the kitchen. While Bill was in the kitchen, Ted, in the next room, made some very personal suggestions to Susan. What neither knew was that Bill overheard the conversation.

Shocked, sickened and profoundly violated by his best friend, Bill's waited what seemed like an eternity before trusting himself to re-enter the room. From that night onward he internalized his anger, saying nothing but carrying a deep pain.

Nothing came of Ted's comments, thanks to Susan's integrity. However, the warm relationship cooled noticeably. Their laughter became formal, their kindred spirit was gone and get-togethers became strained as others sensed Bill's coldness to Ted.

Bill explained himself to no one. Suspecting that Ted would pass off this incident superficially, and being a person who generally avoids confrontations anyway, he didn't even confront Ted with his knowledge of Ted's action.

The result, inside Bill, was years of simmering anger and unresolved bitterness. This was no help at all to his increasing health problems.

Bill was a Christian. He loved and served God enthusiastically. He knew that he should forgive his friend. But he felt incapable of doing so. This dilemma was a constant struggle and burden.

More years passed. More changes came. Both men retired. Susan died.

Some things did not change. The unforgiveness survived Susan's death. The former buddies still no longer laughed together, no longer helped each other, and no longer went places together. Ted was doing fine. Bill was getting more and more feeble.

Time carved another benchmark: Bill had to move into a convalescent care center. Too weak to walk, he was constantly confined either to bed or to a wheelchair. His head drooped. He could hardly lift his hand to feed himself. You wouldn't have recognized him from the back, and he looked 199 years old from the front.

One day, along with several other friends, Ted came to visit Bill. For about an hour, everyone chatted cordially. To the surprise of several in the room, it was a genuinely pleasant and heart-warming experience!

Bill's attitude toward Ted had changed 180 degrees. The difference escaped no one, and the atmosphere took on characteristics not enjoyed for well over a decade.

Finally it was time for the visit to end. Each person hugged Bill, said good-bye and filed out of his room.

Ted was the last to leave. When the room was empty except for the two lifelong friends, they began to talk quietly and earnestly.

Tears came to both sets of aging eyes. Then smiles came to both faces. Then came the laughter, just like old times. Finally the reunited buddies embraced each other and Ted left Bill's room.

One week later, Bill died. His final, great act of worship was to sacrifice the bitterness and anger he harbored and replace those emotional malignancies with forgiveness. (Some "sacrifice," huh?)

Without excusing Ted's obvious offense, think about Bill's response. Did bitterness make him better? No. More likely, the reverse is true.

Did his anger help anything? No. It worked against him, affecting him and those around them negatively. Unforgiveness is costly.

Is there room in your heart for forgiveness? Romans 12 closes with an entire section (verses 17 through 21) about forgiveness. Why so much attention to one basic theme? You're right: It's because God knows our lower nature.

Ephesians 4:31-32 says this: Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.

God knows all about forgiveness. He created it. He models it day after day. He commands it for our own good, for the good of those around us, and for His glory.

Forgiveness is an act of worship. When we forgive others, we worship God by obeying Him, releasing our desire for revenge, and trusting His sovereign control of the situation. Forgiveness can be tough-at times almost impossible. However, it is when forgiveness is most difficult to extend that it is most necessary to extend.

Thank God that He gave us the Holy Spirit! It is God in us Who helps us do the otherwise impossible.

Let's close with these words from Romans 12:21: Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

© 2007 John Garmo. If you would be interested in using this article, please contact us at Info@MissionToChildren.org.